#~Telling The Story Of The World Around Me~#

I think dear Mr. A. Padgett was right.....I'm too Idealistic.......I'm too much of a Romanticist.......I disagree with too many things......siiggghhzzz

 

Somehow I always wish things were perfect.  I still sit here as a silly 21 year old boy waiting for my own 'happily ever after' story but the question remains 'when does my story end'?  Perhaps it is naive of me to harbour such a thought, yet somehow it seems so worthy waiting for a "happily ever after" to occur at some point in my life.  I keep believing that it could be vindicating should that day arise.  I should know better than anyone else that life is so temporal, so impermanent and so uncertain that the possibility of a 'happily ever after' is so fanatically meagre.  It frustrates me having to face this reality but dreams will be dreams...Après la pluie le beau temps.

 

I guess I just kinda feel suffocated and berated by the onus that I have chosen to carry on my shoulders.  I'm not sick nor tired of living my like a fighter but it seems tiresome at times, that is, trying to find the courage to face consequences, searching for extra strength so that I can carry myself those extra miles after falling down a thousand times and rising above all odds to prove the wounded can still succeed.  The bane of my life has been trying to conquer an emotional understanding of my self whilst asking too many questions that I simply cannot answer.  I always just wait....waiting for what?  Waiting for time to pass and give me answers?  Yeah right!  I don't wait, I let time slip right out of my hand and then when I realise that I think it's easy to make up for lost time by being existentialist, by being an Achilles living by the immortal "Carpe Diem" motto.  Okay, I'm ranting and raving now - stuck for words to express myself......me stuck for words....funny huh?!

 

The last few days has liberated me from my studies in a sense that I have enjoyed myself.  I'm scared though and consumed by the insurgence of responsibilities that could beleaguer me.  I know what I have to say and do.....Thanks for listening to me Nat,

Pfffttt....maybe I'm just tired.....suppose I'll be off to bed then.....

 

*well done guys at the AUGs - I'm really proud of all you  - next year we'll bring it back!!*

The last 24 hours has been simply A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

 

REBECCA CHAN!!!! Thank you SOOO much for your chocolates.  You know that was very sweet and touching of you.  Thank you so much!!  I'm missing you already.  Gotta keep in touch okay!  Have a safe flight back to Sydney! *Hugzz*  I wish you lived down here....

 

Anyway, I dun wanna talk too much about the ball cause there'd be too much too type.  Despite getting there late from giving everybody lifts, the night was awesome.  It was awesome because it was the first time in a long time that I could let loose and have fun from all the endless nights of stress that I've been going through at the library.  All I really wanted was to go a little wild and have good laughs....and that's exactly what I got!

 

The ball was mainly orientated around lucky draws and small activities that the committee had organised but i wasn't too interested because I was more engrossed in spending time catching up with all the Camp guys!  We also took heaps of photos and I was really happy that I could spend a little time with Wendy and Icheng who are going back home for good soon.  I'll really miss you two .

 

The fun really started when we went to Pie (formally called Amber Lounge).  This was the first time I had ever gone clubbing in Melbourne.  I've been in Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane and Sydney but never in Melbourne.  Guess cause the timing has never been right.  Justin, CW and MOo MOo went hardcore on the dance floor.  Most of the S.A.M guys left early for somebody's birthday party and it was a pity i could party with them a little harder.  Nevertheless, the night was great.  A few shots got me going but I couldn't drink much cause i was driving...just enough to get me jiving.  OMG!!  I totally agree with Christie....having not had alcohol for such a long time....the taste was somewhat divine.  Those who know me well know I don't drink much but it was kind of a reminder that I could at least relax and have fun for a while. 

 

I think Dania spent most of her night on the mobile phone or laughing at me dancing....why? I dunno. LOL!  Not surprisingly some of the guys got pissed drunk.  I'm just happy that for once I didn't have to look after anyone.  YAY!!  I'm not going to say much more but savour the moment.

 

 

 

OMG OMG OMG!!! I'M SO GOING TO DIE SOON!!  I'M BEHIND ON MY ASSIGNMENTS.  The conclusion I've reached with Ms. Wong Ling Ling is that I've stepped up the pace too early in the semester and I'm starting to slow down.  RAAAAAAARRRR which means more sleep is required in the mid-semester break (though i dunno whether I can actually afford that sleep cause of my assignments).  My hamstring has be strained or torn for the third time now!!  I think I push myself to hard in training.  Oh well, according to "the dissing one" I'm a masochist...maybe she's proving me right.  That is so not right >.<

 

To my embattled friends.  Hang in there.  The more you drain yourself out the worse it's going to be.  Wish I could help more .  Just Holla

 

I'm really looking forward to the MUMSU ball that's coming this Friday.  I'm going to try to take a lot of photos but I intend to fully enjoy myself on that night cause I haven't had much of a social life of late.  Should I go wild?! LOL!  I really can't wait for it cause it'll be the first time in an extremely long while since I have done something fun!  Well at least it feels that way.....maybe I'm used to living a life filled with adventures.

 

Man, I'm hesitating waaaaaaaaayyyy too much.  Issa, you're right I needa get it out of my system.  Que dieu me donne la force

 

 

 

Sometimes doing your best just isn't good enough.  Sometimes we strive to make ends meet and push relentlessly forth in hope that something good will come out of it but it seems your best efforts just isn't good enough.  Sometimes we put every ounce of effort we have into a certain task, knowing that things might not work out the way you want but your best just isn't good enough.  Knowing whether we've done everything in our power to make something work or reassuring ourselves that we have done our best and realising that at that point that's all you could have done just seems like that isn't good enough.  So what IS good enough?  It's not that I think everything that I have done is not good enough but rather sometimes I feel I'm so torn apart from doing what I do and bearing the burden of my choice.  I can't stop because I know that something I'm doing is something worth every bit of strength I can muster.  I can sit here in frustration not knowing what to do anymore...I gotta leave questions unanswered.

 

My mind is like pandora's box.  You never know what's in it until you open it up for discovery.  Recently a lot of study and a lot of thought has really buggered my system up.  Lack of sleep, too much work and too many free radical cells in my stomach.  Company has been good lately, been really getting quite a few good laughs out -enter endorphines- but that ends when somebody does something stupid or the mind boggling serious conversations come up.  Hmmmm....think because I've never had a fixed group of friends.....they're just kind of everywhere.  The only distraction that I've got is Tae Kwon Do training and badminton - it really takes you away to another dimension but too bad the body has physical limitations.  Gee that was random

 

Time = Suffering = Distraction = Escapism = Temporal= Time

 

Today has got me thinking - thinking that there is more to just living your own life but embracing the lives of those whom you live around.  We're always so caught up living life for ourselves.  I'm not saying we should live for the sake of somebody else or live for somebody else for that matter but it seems like we're looking out less for other people and most of the time for our friends and family.  I think people care less nowadays about those who make up their lives.  It's like each person exists because you can get something from them but when there's nothing left you can get from them they slowly dissolve away.  We survive and enjoy the fruits of life because of those around us, so shouldn't we embrace them regardless of what they can offer us? "Thou shall love thy neighbour as thyself"

 

I went to this honours seminar on thursday and I realised that as much as I enjoy what I study I don't think I could ever become part of "the academy".  It's just not me.  It's not the research or the writing but because the law of diminishing returns state that too much production equals decreasing output, I think after next year, I'll be needing a new challenge, eagerly anticipating what the future has to offer.

 

"If you know he/she doesn't understand than be absorbed in that understanding to really understand what to do"

Oh what a beautiful day it is but yet I am stuck here in the library trying to finish one of my four assignments due this week.  I suppose I have no choice but to soldier on and just savour the time I have left in my undergrad, which is only a couple of weeks.  I've been thinking how I might become quite emotional towards the end of next year.  I've really really enjoyed my time and uni and to be quite frank I wouldn't change the experience for all the money in the world.  Yes, I know those who are close to me would "say are you sure?" but I think all the major ups and downs of my journey has enlightened me in many ways.  I think my wisdom has matured in somewhat shape or form but the learning curve is still steep.  From the friendships that I have embraced to my trips at the Australian University Games, I've enjoyed it all.  Gee, I sound like this is already my final year (though technically it is)......

 

Anyway, I think I'm getting really tired.  On Thursday, I fell asleep in the library without me even knowing it and it was scary to wake up to find out that I had slept for an hour.  That's the first time it's happened to me but I think I'm becoming drained from all these assignments.  I'm really trying to work hard and sprint the final furlong with pace and passion.  Must look after myself a little better.  Then on Friday, I almost ran some idiot over who decided to casually walk out in front of green traffic lights as I was approaching.  I had to swerve to my right and the car behind me had to slam on her breaks.  The idiot kept walking and the car in the lane beside me had to slam on his breaks as well.  I got out of the car to ask what the hell he was thinking but strangely the guy kept walking in an eerie cold silence.  It was either the guy was actually suicidal or on drugs.  He walked off as though he hadn't even seen any of the cars stop.  Some people don't know what they have until they lose it.  What a shame.

 

On a brighter note, I received a letter on friday pretty much guaranteeing me a place and finances in media and communications honours.  So happy and excited about everything.  I think next year will be an awesome year, a great year.

 

Been obsessively listening to You & Me by Lifehouse (playing in the background) in the last week or so.  I think the repeat function on my computer is burning up.  Hopefully I won't listen to it till it's overkill.....hate it when that happens.  Maybe cause I can relate to the lyrics but listening to Jason Wade (lead singer) tell his story has been absorbing.  Most Christian singers tell stories well and know how to reach the heart.  I know I'm very much a ballad person but I think there are few artists who really know how to embody the soul of their lyrics in their voice.  Song like Here Without You & Landing In London by 3 Doors Down, Look After You by The Fray and Percayalah by Siti Nurhaliza are just some songs that spring to mind that give me goosebumps or throw me into a dimension of thought and reflection.

 

It's now the fifth anniversary of September 11 and to me it just seems to be another indication of how time is just slipping away like sand between my fingers.  I can still remember how I was sitting on my bed watching these horrific scenes being replayed over and over again on television and how my sister walks in and goes something along the lines of "cool movie" and walks out.  Funny I know but since then, things have really changed in the world around us.  I think the events of September 11 really is the epitome of change and has kind of forced us all to grow up a little quicker.